Tuesday, September 22, 2020

"The Divine Book, Ramana Bhaskara" - (By Kumari Garu (Nouduru))

I was married when only 19 years old. Despite the marriage, I did not receive the love of any kind. From then onwards, I faced numerous hardships. But I never shared them with anybody; not even with my parents. I was sensitive by nature and lived with fear. I hardly spoke to anyone. I could not socialize. Due to cowardice perhaps, I found myself incapable of putting even one foot forward.

Hardship upon hardship just continued to hit my life. In these desperate times, I had the good fortune of meeting Nannagaru. In 2000, when I went to my mother-in-law’s sister’s (younger mother-in-law, as they are addressed in Telugu) place, I got my first glance of “Ramana Bhaskara’. In 2001, I went to visit Nannagaru with my daughter on Subramanya Shashti. My good fortune knocked my doors in the form of Ramana Bhaskara (monthly magazine). My younger mother in law wasn’t literate, but she liked Ramana Bhaskara. So, she used to ask me to read it aloud for her. I knew nothing about a Guru. When I opened the book, I poured out my sorrows into tears, just as a daughter would to her mother. When I first read Ramana Bhaskara, I understood the meaning of this life. When I read, "I am (God or Guru) in your mother in law too", I wept. Then I understood that whatever we have sown in our previous lives, we reap now. Whatever I read in Ramana Bhaskara, has to be put into practice in real life, I felt. I also understood that I am in Nannagaru’s safe hands. I had no other photographs except the pictures in Ramana Bhaskara. Till 2004 I used to speak with Ramana Bhaskara and that stood as my support during all times. 

My family members did not allow me to go to Jinnuru for Nannagaru’s darshan. In 2002, when my second baby was born, I had the good fortune to visit Nannagaru by accompanying my younger mother in law. After the birth of my second baby, I had to face numerous hardships. Sometimes it felt that Nannagaru came for my sake to relieve me. 4 years later I was able to visit him. With a divine light radiating from him, he gave me the darshan in his front yard. I felt that his darshan gave meaning and fulfilment to my life.

Once, my husband scolded me and asked me not to go to Palamooru meeting. He said that if I went against him, I need not come back home. Forbearing everything, I wept that I wanted my guru alone. From that day my husband’s behaviour changed. Nannagaru once said, “Each one is for himself; Nothing to do with husband, children or parents. Each one has to bear one’s own destiny.” From then, that became my mantra. Looking at my hardships my mother used to ask me to undertake vows and pray for relief. But I told her that whatever is to happen will happen. Whatever must not, will not happen despite all our efforts. This is what Nannagaru says, I told her. Contemplating on Nannagaru and solving my own problems this was what I used to do. It appeared like I was solving them. Nannagaru appears like he did nothing, despite doing everything. But, outwardly, to my family, he portrayed me as the doer.

My parents lamented that they married me off into a family such as this. But I consider my difficult marriage as my boon; Because I met my Sadguru through my in-law’s. Though I suffered because of my husband’s behaviour, I used to feel, it is my own prarabdha (body’s destiny), and so that let me bear it patiently. I prayed to the book, "I am unable to attend your discourses; I do not want anything external; just grant me that my mind always lies at your feet". From then on, things were never difficult and nobody stopped me from visiting Nannagaru daily.

Sometime later, I was told that my second daughter had some congenital heart problem because of which she would not survive for long. With Ramana Bhaskara in my hand, I took my daughter to various hospitals. I went to every hospital in Bheemavaram. One day, my younger mother in law suggested that we should take the child to Nannagaru. So, we did take the child to Jinnuru. We sat in the gathering listening to the discourse. We did not tell Nannagaru what our problem was. I don’t know what and how Nannagaru did. The child who was supposed to die became normal without any treatment, he made things very easy for us. Everybody in my house was astonished.

My younger sister also started coming to Jinnuru. Once, Nannagaru asked her if her elder sister also comes to Jinnuru. My sister mentioned my name and he said he didn’t know. Actually, there is nothing that he doesn’t know. Later, he asked us to tell our names. We mentioned our names to him Kumari and Padma. Don’t take so much pain to come here in this hot weather, he told us. Can we ever describe that compassion in words!! He told us that he would remember us. In 2017, we decided to betroth my eldest daughter to my younger brother. I took my brother to Nannagaru. Nannagaru told me later, “I spoke to your brother. There is no fear. You can go ahead with this marriage.” In this way, Nannagaru extended his blessings and supported on numerous occasions.

Once, during an afternoon session, we sat in the forefront, close to Nannagaru. We were asked by some devotees if we were new visitors. They said that we were sitting too close and that we had to move behind. Then Nannagaru said, “Who do you think they are. They have conducted satsangs in their previous lives.” I felt one must indeed have past lives merit to see those beautiful eyes of Nannagaru. He made me stand on my own feet, made me independent. Words fall short to describe our divine Father’s compassion. His love is boundless.

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