Tuesday, October 20, 2020

"Ocean full of bliss, our Nannagaru" - (By Madhavi Garu)

In 2011 we moved to India for good from the US. A couple of months after we settled, Nannagaru came to Vizag. I went for his darshan in the morning and as like every time, I took his blessings and came back home. There was not much conversation between us. Afternoon Satsang was in Dr.Ravindra Babu Garu’s house. As usual, I sat somewhere in the back. In the middle of the talk, Nannagaru got up to go to the bathroom and everyone got shuffled. I happened to be pushed to stand right across from the bathroom door. Standing there in front of the bathroom door, I started crying. Tears were pouring out silently. A few minutes later Nannagaru came out and stood there in front of me without saying anything. He didn’t move until my tears stopped. He didn’t say anything and didn’t move for a few mins. He then slowly walked back to his chair and then motioned his hand to come and sit next to him.

This was it, this was a new beginning in my life. A new phase. It is said that when Guru's grace is showered it flows like a river which is flooded and takes everything with it be it big trees, animals, houses. Nothing can stop it. That is exactly what I saw in my life. I know I have absolutely no eligibility to deserve any of this but his grace flooded me as it doesn’t discriminate. It was beautiful and can’t be explained in words. We stayed in India for about a year and a half and his grace poured and poured.

Nannagaru started visiting Vizag very frequently during this time. Every time he visited Vizag, he made sure I sat next to him. He started speaking to everyone in my family including my mother, father, my aunt, my husband and my kids.

I used to always think out of ignorance that the love I have for Bhagavan, I can never have that much love for Nannagaru. So, I used to assume that I can never understand his teachings as he intended to be understood. But, during this process, all of it changed. I don't know when and how he changed me but now when I look back I understand that just like fire having both heat and light. Bhagavan and Nannagaru are one and the same.

During this period I continued to work for a company in the US. So, I had work in the night, no one used to bother me during the day time. Due to Nannagaru’s grace, I used to listen, listen and listen to his talks day and night. When Nannagaru visited Vizag I used to go visit him. As soon as it was 5 in the evening he used to forcefully make leave to go and work. It was the hardest thing for me to do. I would say, I have a few more mins and it was ok if I logged in a little late. But, he would keep on reminding me to leave every five minutes like a mother pushing her kid to do her school work. He would always say your health is spoiling. You are not sleeping in the night. You shouldn’t do this for long. I was totally fine health-wise and didn't have any health problems. Later did I realize that he put me in this bubble of grace and gave me the energy to function like that.

2011 was the first time I had the blessed opportunity of visiting Jinnur. I was very excited and eager to visit Nannagaru. As soon as I crossed the bridge from the main road to enter Jinnur, the air and surroundings appeared so magical. There was this unknown sweetness in the air. Even the trees were talking. It felt like I was in Vrindavan. There was so much energy in the air and the people were all like Gopikas always smiling and happy to be around this Krishna. There was something about everything and anything. The street where Nannagaru lived, his house was radiating with energy and peace.

Nannagaru was surprised when I told him that this was my first time visiting Jinnur. He kept on saying, is this your first time? Is this your first time? In that sweet surprised tone. During one of my conversations with Nannagaru, somehow a conversation came up about how I felt that Jinnur was like Vrindavan. His face lit up and blushed and he scooted forward in his seat, looked into my eyes and asked me to explain how Jinnur felt like Vrindavan. When I told him that there was some magic in the air and the trees were talking and everyone felt like Gopikas and that there was so much energy he felt very happy and kept saying, ‘is it’ ‘is it’ did you feel like that. How can his presence not make Jinnur so magical!!!

2011 also happened to be the year I first visited Arunachalam. Bhagavan equally graced his blessings on me on that trip. I will write about that in another article and my conversation with Nannagaru about this trip. But, this trip was also a blessing to my kids. Especially my little one. As we were entering the temple, someone approached us and asked if they could shave the hair of the kids. We didn’t have any plans of this sort in our mind. Before we could say yes, kids' heads were being shaven. They had the blessed opportunity to eat and play in Bhagavan’s ashram and have darshan of the holy Arunachala at a very small age.

If Nannagaru knew I was coming to visit him, he would always wait for me without going to sleep. There was not a single time, I didn’t hear from outside, him saying, “Madhavi said she will come, she still hasn’t come”. Or “I’m waiting for Madhavi”. Not only in that year but every time after that as well. Whenever I told him that I was coming to India, he would enquire when I was coming to see him. When I used to visit him he would say, I have been waiting for so long to see you or I wish you came sooner or It’s been so long since I saw you. My mind would just be blown away when I heard these words from him.

Once, when I visited India, I couldn’t go to see him for 3 or 4 weeks. I was so eagerly waiting and counting down every day to go visit him. When the day finally arrived, I could hardly wait to see him. As always he was waiting for me and when I arrived, he asked me when I landed in India and when I told him I arrived three weeks ago, he was shocked and surprised to know that I landed three weeks ago and didn’t come to see him. He kind of literally meant what took you this long to come to see me. I explained to him why I couldn’t and mentioned that I had to fulfil some responsibilities before I could come to Vizag to come to see him. He said, “For formality and respect sake you can stay there for a few days but you need not stay so many days”. I don’t even have a pinhead or one sand dust particle of eligibility whatsoever but here is the all-pervading Brahman in a human form speaking like this to a speck of dust! Can never be explained

Initially, my family was totally against us to meet Nannagaru. My mother somehow didn’t approve of me or my aunt visiting Nannagaru. But, towards the end of her life, she changed and started visiting Nannagaru and started asking about him.

In one of his Vizag trips, he told my aunt that he wanted to visit my house. I called him and told him not to go as we lived on the first floor and it would be hard for him to climb up the stairs. He insisted that he wanted to go. Then I told him to just stay on the ground floor where we had our office room. At the mentioned time, my mother and aunt prepared everything for his arrival.

They made arrangements for him on both the floors and as expected he didn’t visit the office on the ground floor but went straight up. I was in the US at that time. Walked around the whole house, looked at every picture and lighted the lamp in the pooja room and stared at the Bhagavan’s picture in our Pooja room. He sat for some time and gave a Satsang for a few minutes. He said, “Madhavi told me not to come but how can I not go to her house.” There are some things this petty mind can’t understand and there is no use trying to comprehend it.

In October 2014, I came to know that Nanangaru would be visiting Arunachalam, I called and asked him if I could also visit him there. He told me to come but told me not to tell anyone. Miraculously my husband agreed. I booked my tickets to Chennai. Nannagaru sent Bujji Garu to the airport to pick me up (last week of October). I stayed with Nannagaru for the whole week and flew back to the US from Chennai. To this day no one in my family knows that I visited India for a week. That whole week he took care of me like a mother, enquiring about each and everything starting from me drinking milk in the morning to buying all kinds of things for me to take back. I returned to the US with two overweight suitcases full of eatables in Business class without extra charge. For the whole week that I was there, I didn’t spend a dime. Even the taxi that took me back to the airport was paid for by Nannagaru. During this trip, he took me on Giri pradakshina and to Ramana Ashram. He took me around the ashram and explained each and every building and made me walk with him around Bhagavans samadhi and brought me several books, calendars, and pictures. Including a bag to carry them all. Not only did he take care of me physically but he did so much work spiritually. His work can’t be explained in words.

Over the past years, he just gave me so many opportunities to be with him. In January 2017, I was asked to visit my office in Delhi. My whole team was going and I was not selected for this project as my role was very trivial, I somehow made up my case and persuaded my manager. I had only a 5% chance of going as it was clear that I didn’t have any role in this project. I knew that but still tried. Out of nowhere my manager went to the project head and fought for me and made sure I flew to India. Again my happiness knew no bounds to have received one more opportunity to be with Nannagaru. I was planning on how to visit Jinnur, Vizag and Hyderabad in the two day weekend that I had. When Nannagaru called and said he was visiting Vizag as he wanted to get some check up done. He came to Vizag on Friday morning at about the same time I landed in Vizag from Delhi. He got admitted to the hospital and told everyone that I will be with him as long as he is in the hospital.

I can’t explain in words how much of a blessing it was. It is very very rare to be with Nannagaru without devotees around him. As he was in the hospital no one was allowed to visit him except for very few devotees who were there to take care of him. He made me sit next to him throughout his stay. He would fall asleep and wake up and talk to me. He would sometimes fall asleep talking to me. Again no words to explain this divinity in action.

After all the check-up the doctor said it would be better if he stayed for one more day so that he could get some rest. He smiled at the doctor and said I’m totally fine and I’m leaving now and he got up and walked out. Within 15 mins we were downstairs. Once home, he said, “I am totally fine. This hospital visit was just an excuse to be with you.” Tears just flowed down my eyes. To this day whenever I think of this incident, I can’t help but cry.

In December of 2017, when Nannagaru was extremely sick and rumours started going around that he would be leaving his physical body soon, I tried to visit him but couldn’t come to India. I tried but there was not that extreme desire like before to see him and somehow I couldn’t make it. On Vaikunta Ekadasi day there were more rumours that today would be the day. I kept checking my whats app messages and eventually fell asleep. Dr.Usha sent a message in the WhatsApp group about Nannagaru’s nirvana, I woke up to that message and cried uncontrollably for about 15 to 20 mins. I was trying to call my aunt and other devotees in a hope to get a last glimpse of Nannagaru but no one was answering the phone. So, I opened Bhagavan's book and read a quote from that book and unbelievably my tears stopped and I couldn't cry anymore. It was like someone turned the off switch, not a single drop of tear came out and there was no pain inside - nothing.

I was thinking to myself - Nannagaru, even now you won’t let me cry? Even at the time of him leaving his body, he was pouring extreme grace. Although I didn’t have a chance to see him, I wished to see him one last time in the physical body. But, as I said no was answering their phones. Suddenly, one of my cousin who was in Vizag sent me pictures of Nannagaru, when all the rituals were going on. When I asked him how he got those, he said that his driver who took my aunt was sending him pictures. I called the driver and he showed me Nannagaru and walked around Nannagaru three times. That way, I had the opportunity to walk around Nannagaru. He fulfilled this wish too. How can this grace be explained in words! For this life, Nannagaru is enough and he shouldn’t be missed at any cost.

All I can say is that he worked on me a lot. Knowingly a lot of vasanas got destroyed and unknowingly he took away a lot more. When Shankaracharya was on his deathbed his disciples took care of him day and night. For which Shankaracharya said you all are doing so much for me. Hearing this Padma pada cried and said we are just doing physical work, what about all the work you have done for us, we were just a pile of mud, useless, lying around and you taught us about Jnana and did so much for us. How can we ever repay that. Like that Nannagaru not only gave us wisdom but he also took care of each and every minute thing that came in the way. Never had I given him anything in return.

If all these events don't show Guru’s grace and love I don’t know what else will. We all have read that Atma can’t be explained in words. It’s not possible to see it, touch it etc. But, Nannagaru has shown us what Atma is in human form. The physical body has certain limitations. It will never be able to see/experience Athma but Nannagaru has broken these barriers and has stretched the ability of this human form to experience his bliss to the maximum. I don't know much but I don’t think anyone else can experience Atma more than this in a physical form.

He showed extreme love on the outside and inside he made me all empty in a span of a few years. Nannagaru used to say, I will take you all to “dooka rahita stithi”(sorrowless state) without you moving your leg, without even the face powder on your face moving and that’s what he has been doing, I don’t remember doing any extensive sadhana but he has taken me a long long way inside in just a matter of few years. Being around him was sweet, everything about him is always sweet. It is like falling in a pot of honey, once you are there you don’t need anything else.

In this Kaliyuga this body has been blessed to see the divine in action, it will not get any better than this. If we waste this life by not attaining the sorrowless state, there would be nothing worse than this and there is no doubt that Nannagaru will not let this happen.

Even in my wildest of thoughts if I ever think that I “might” encounter a small pain he will pour his grace and not only take out that pain with ease but also pull out that vasana by its roots and never ever again will it come back again. If we miss Nannagaru we will be like a ball which will keep rolling down the stairs non stop and land somewhere lost. So, we don’t need anything else other than Nannagaru. If you think of him once, he will shower an ocean full of bliss. In Ramana Periya puranam Ganesan Garu writes, “Bhagavan once said, “With whichever vessel you go to the ocean you can get only that much water. If it is merely a cup, you will get a cup of water. If it is a bucket, you will get a bucket. Go and loot the whole ocean.” I always took a spoon but he packed the whole ocean for me. He doesn’t have anything else than love and he gave that away bountifully.

OM Sri Nanna Paramathmanay Namaha!!!

Sunday, October 18, 2020

"The Quest for Truth" - (By Madhavi Garu)

In the book Ramana Periya Puranam, Ganesan Garu says that, “Fire is a very significant symbol. Its nature is twofold: as heat, it can destroy and as light, it reveals.” This is how I feel about Bhagavan and Nannagaru in my life. Bhagavan as Jnana Agni (fire) has been destroying my destiny and Nannagaru has been revealing the light of wisdom. Ganesan Garu goes on to say that this is grace and it has been showered, no - poured upon me in abundance. 

Bhagavan came to my life around 1991 or 92. I was in my 12th or in the first year of college. My mother and a few of her friends along with Sri Chikkala Krishna Rao Garu (an author of Bhagavan’s books in Telugu) happened to visit Arunachalam. My mother brought home a big picture of Bhagavan ( the famous bust picture of Bhagavan also known as the Welling busts) and placed it in our Pooja (prayer) room along with big pictures of Shirdi Sai Baba and Puttaparthi Sai Baba. Being a teenager, with half-knowledge I was not happy that a picture of Puttaparthi Sai Baba was placed in the prayer room and on top of it, there was this picture of this old man whose eyes were powerfully staring at me. 
I was very upset with my mother that she was placing pictures of human beings in the pooja room. I got really mad and I shouted at my mother as to why she was placing pictures of people, first Puttaparthi Sai Baba and now this old man. I told her that she should remove the picture of this old man. She said I shouldn’t be speaking that way and that he was a great saint who used to live in Arunachalam and left his body in the ’50s.

I don’t come from any sort of orthodox family. My knowledge of Mahabharata and Ramayana came from TV series telecasted at that time. My understanding was that the prayer room was meant for placing pictures of Gods and it’s a place to light a lamp once daily in the morning and cook special food for festivals and offer it.

A few months later, I happened to go to the railway station along with my father. There, a cart selling books and magazines stopped in front of me. In one corner of the cart, I happened to notice a book with a picture of Bhagavan on it. I avoided looking at the book, but the bookseller was not moving from there. I finally ended up buying that book. It happened to be the only book on spirituality and it was in English. Once home, I started reading it. I don’t remember what book it is, but I found it very interesting and kept going back to it. I was astonished about the concept of body and mind and how there was something more powerful than all this that we see every day.

As a child, one of my favourite thing to do was to sit, look at the sky and use my mind to make up imaginary scenarios where I was the main character in the scene. I would sit and do this imaginary play for hours and just imagine and talk to myself. Every time, I would end this imaginary drama in my head with a thought that one day someone would come along and say that this was wrong and there was no enjoyment in doing this and behold the book said exactly that. Even though it brought an end to my favourite activity, I kept going back to the book.

A few months later, Mani aunty from Bheemavaram moved into the first floor of my aunt (atha) house. She was a devotee of Nannagaru and started telling my aunt about Nannagaru and his teachings. She used to take my aunt to Satsang. My aunt started sharing all teachings from Satsang with me. I used to ask her a lot of questions, she would answer the ones she knew and the rest she would ask Mani aunty and communicate them back to me.

(2014 Guru Poornima - Usha Garu, Nikith, Mahit. In the back - me, Annapoorna (Atha's sister) Jyothi(atha))

I don’t remember when I first met Nannagaru. I remember seeing him for the first time from far away at PSN Raju Garu’s house. I was studying my bachelors at that time so I used to not get that many opportunities to go to Satsang. Satsang happened in the morning time on weekdays and I had to be in college at that time. But, that quest to know was always there and whenever I read something about Bhagavan or heard Nannagaru’s talks there was some peace and a desire to know/learn more.

Around this time Rama Krishna Matt opened in Vizag. They had a bookstore which had a variety of books in English (probably the only store in Vizag with books on philosophy). To find out more I started reading books on Rama Krishna Paramahamsa, Vivekananda and Jiddu Krishna Murthy but they didn’t capture my interest as much as Bhagavan’s books did. Even though I had questions, I still would go back to Bhagavan’s book as they were the only ones which made ultimate sense and kept my interest. The other book that I found in the book store was Osho Rajneesh. In terms of Advaita Vedanta, his explanation satisfied me a bit and helped me find some answers.

After completing my bachelors I went to Tirupathi to pursue my MBA. I used to live in a hostel and didn’t have much access to go outside. Whenever I had free time, I used to continue to listen to Nannagaru’s speeches. Had limited access to his cassettes because at that time there was not that much financial independence to buy them and also availability was also not that much. But, I used to repeatedly hear the ones where Nannagaru explained about the mother thought – I.

One thing that was always mysterious was that whenever I travelled to and from Vizag for holidays I would magically wake up as the train entered Vijayawada station (this station arrived in the middle of the night). I have always been a heavy sleeper. Once I fall asleep, I wouldn’t wake up till the next morning no matter what. The girls in my hostel would wait until I went to bed to gather around me and draw on my face and talk to me and I would tell them all kinds of things but not remember a single thing when I woke up in the morning. But somehow used to wake up at this station, I would look out for the book store, count the poles that passed so I could quickly run back to the book store and buy Bhagavan’s books. Every time I was woken up like this I would find one of Bhagavan’s books in English at the bookstore. Like this, a few books were collected.

One other interesting thing that happened during my stay in Tirupati that I can remember, was that someone posted a flyer about Bhagavan Satsang in our hostel common area. I was very happy to see that and wanted to go and attend Satsang. But the problem was that hostel gates close by 6 and no one is allowed to go out or come in after that without permission. After a little effort, I was able to get permission to go. This place was in a remote ashram at the foot of Tirumala. There were very few people who visited the Satsang. Once done everyone left. I had to walk through some woods and come on to the main road and catch two buses to go to the hostel. Three-fourths of the way to the bus stop was very deserted. By the time my bus came, it was very dark, and I was the only one on the bus and felt a little scared. Out of nowhere a person came and sat in the seat behind me and started talking to me. He was probably in his late 40’s. He said he was a devotee of Bhagavan and that he also attended the Satsang ( and I didn’t notice him, they were very few people who attended the Satsang and there was no one who walked back to the bus stop in the woods with me) he gave me a wallet size picture of Bhagavan in his teens, this was the first time I saw that picture of Bhagavan at that age. I was thrilled. He said that he owned a cheap liquor store behind the bus stand. He waited until my next bus came made sure I boarded safely and left. 35 years later I still have this picture of Bhagavan in my wallet.

During my MBA and after (1997) I had only a few opportunities to see Nannagaru. He never spoke to me. If I was in town and happened to know he arrived, I would visit him. Do my namaskarams from far and leave. Another swami who helped me tremendously in my spiritual practice was Swami Yogananda in Bheemili. He used to teach Advaita philosophy and answer a lot of my questions. I used to visit him as and when I could.

In 1999 I came to the US. There were no Satsangs, no one to talk to about Bhagavan and it was expensive to call India. Right around this time, Bhagavan ashram website opened and in that, they had few free books and also a list of places where Satsangs were happening. I was very happy when I saw a place about 2 hours away from me. It was called the SAT. I used to go visit them on the weekends but was not satisfied with the Satsangs as I got used to Nannagaru’s teachings but still would go to visit them as there was a very high desire to be in Satsang with Bhagavan's devotees. Later a Satsang was started closer to (40 mins away) to where I lived and I stopped going to SAT.

I got married in 2002. Few days before the wedding, I was made the bride. At that time Nannagaru was in Vizag. I visited him in the afternoon, took his blessings and we left for Hyderabad for my wedding. I didn’t have any strong desire that Nannagaru should visit my wedding or anything like that - maybe because Nannagaru didn’t speak to me that much at that time. I was happy to get his blessings that day. Few hours before the wedding when the Gauri pooja started, I went into a trance-like state. I could see everything, I was talking with everyone but there was quietness, peacefulness inside. Everything was happening in the foreground and was being witnessed but there was a lot of silence. I came out of it after I went to my in-law's house. I was so much in this trance state that I didn’t notice that no one from my side of the family came with me to my in-laws. I was just sent all by myself to this new house.

2006 my first son was born. When he was 9 months old, we went to the temple to feed him his first solid food (annaprasana). Just as we were about to start, Ramana ashram President Sundaram Garu, his sons Ravi Garu and Anand Garu (the present president of Ramana Ashram) visited the temple along with their families. They were the first ones who fed him his first solid food.

2008 my second son was born. Few months after that we personally went through a lot of hardship financially, health-wise and also issues with very very close family members. Almost at the same time. My older son had to go through a lot of mysterious health problems. Few months he would be ok and all of a sudden he would be in the ICU( By Guru’s grace all these issues were resolved and he didn’t have any health problems since). I had a few health problems. We had to keep moving houses and on top of all this had to stop talking with a few of my near and dear family.

During this phase, I didn’t have any strength to listen to Nannagarus talks. As I was not listening to him, I didn’t have any strength to overcome these challenges, I was deeply getting pulled into worldly matters, the more I got pulled, the more away I was going from my sadhana. It kind of became a vicious cycle, I didn’t have any strength to listen to Nannagarus talks as I was not listening to him I was getting pulled into worldly matters as I was getting pulled towards this world, I was not getting the strength to do any sadhana.

My only desire at this time, which was very very strong was that I should somehow take my body and mind and make it stand before Nannagaru. Inside I had this strong belief that only when I am in his physical presence will I be able to get control of my mind and with his strength I will be able to do my sadhana and will be able to stop myself from getting pulled and mixing up with these worldly issues. Not that I didn’t accept the fact that he was all-pervading. It was just that I didn’t have any strength or maturity to receive this all-pervading energy. No matter how much I tried I couldn’t go to India for three and a half years.

Audio Recordings of Devotees Experiences with Sadguru Sri Nannagaru

Telugu Satsangs

Special Occasion Satsangs

English Satsangs

Satsang Videos

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

"మర్యాద పురుషోత్తముడైన రాముడే మన నాన్నగారు" - (By పద్మ (నౌడూరు))

నాన్నగారి దగ్గరకు నన్ను మా అక్క తీసుకు వెళ్ళింది. అప్పుడు నా వయస్సు 22 సంవత్సరాలు. నాకు ఒక పాప, బాబు. మా బాబుకి ఒకటవ సంవత్సరం నుండి నాలుగు సంవత్సరాల వరకు హాస్పిటల్ కి తిరుగుతూనే ఉన్నాను. అప్పుడు బాబు కాలులో ముక్క తీసి ముంబై పరీక్షకు పంపారు. మళ్ళీ హైదరాబాద్ తీసుకురమ్మన్నారు. అప్పుడు నేను బాబుకి పెద్ద అనారోగ్యం వచ్చిందని దుఃఖ పడుతున్నాను. అప్పుడు మా అక్క వచ్చి, జిన్నూరు నాన్నగారు ఉన్నారు ఆయనను చూడగానే దుఃఖం పోతుంది, శాంతి వస్తుంది అని నన్ను నాన్నగారి దర్శనానికి తీసుకువెళ్ళింది. మా అక్క, నేను వెళ్ళేటప్పటికి నాన్నగారు అరుగు మీద కూర్చుని ఉన్నారు. మొదటిసారి నాన్నగారిని చూడగానే దుఃఖం ఆగింది, చాలా శాంతిగా అనిపించింది. చిన్నప్పటి నుండి మా అమ్మ నాకు రామనామం నేర్పించింది. అప్పుడు నాకు ఆ రాముడే వచ్చి అరుగు మీద కూర్చున్నాడు అనిపించింది. అప్పుడు నాన్నగారితో మా బాబుకి ఆరోగ్యం బాగోలేదు, హైదరాబాద్ తీసుకు వెళ్ళమంటున్నారు నాన్నగారూ అని చెప్పాను. మా బాబుని ఎలా అనుగ్రహించారు అంటే; ఎంతో దయతో తల నిమురుతూ, బుగ్గ మీద చేయి వేసి మళ్ళీ వస్తే తీసుకువెళ్ళమ్మా! ఇప్పుడు వద్దు, ఇప్పుడు వద్దు అన్నారు. ఆ మాటతో నేను అన్నీ నాన్నగారి తోనే చెప్పుకోవడం మొదలుపెట్టాను. అప్పటి నుండి మా బాబు చాలా ఆరోగ్యంగా ఉన్నాడు. మళ్ళీ రెండోసారి నాన్నగారి దగ్గరకు అరటిపళ్ళు హస్తం పట్టుకుని వెళ్ళాను. అవి కొంచెం పచ్చిగా ఉన్నాయి. ఇవి కొంచెం ముగ్గాలమ్మా అని, ఎవరికో ఇచ్చి లోపల పెట్టమన్నారు. అప్పటి నుంచి నా బాధ్యత అంతా నాన్నగారిదే అనిపించింది.

మా అక్క వెళ్ళినట్టు నాకు మీటింగులకు వెళ్ళే అవకాశం లేదని బాధపడేదాన్ని. అప్పుడు మా ఊరు దగ్గర ఉన్న వేండ్ర అనే గ్రామానికి, నాన్నగారు ప్రవచనం చెప్పటానికి వస్తున్నారు అని తెలిసింది. అప్పుడు రమణ భాస్కర లో భక్తి అనే ఒక అడుగు నువ్వు వేస్తే, 9 అడుగులు నేను వేస్తాను అని నాన్నగారు చెప్పిన వాక్యం చదివాను. తరువాత నేను వేండ్ర ప్రవచనానికి వచ్చాను. అప్పుడు నాన్నగారు "తట్టండి తెరవబడుతుంది, అడగండి ఇవ్వబడుతుంది" అన్నారు. స్వర్గ రాజ్యం నీ హృదయంలోనే ఉంది అన్నారు. అప్పటినుండి మీటింగులకు రావటం మొదలు పెట్టాను. అప్పటినుండి నాన్నగారు నేను ఎప్పుడు వెళ్ళినా కుటుంబ విషయాలు అడుగుతూ ఎంతో ఆప్యాయంగా పలకరించేవారు

2011లో నాన్నగారు అరుణాచలం వెళ్తున్నారని మా అక్క రమ్మంది, పిల్లల్ని తీసుకుని వెళ్ళాను. మర్నాడు అరుణాచలం మీటింగులో నాన్నగారి దగ్గర కూర్చున్నాను. నాన్నగారి మీటింగ్ జరుగుతున్నంతసేపూ దుఃఖం వస్తూనే ఉంది. మీటింగ్ అయిపోయిన తర్వాత నాన్నగారు నా వైపు చూస్తూ "కర్తలేని కర్మ" అని చెప్పమన్నారు. అప్పుడు నా నోటి వెంట మాట రావట్లేదు, దుఃఖం వస్తోంది. అయినా చాలా సార్లు అదే చెప్పించారు. అప్పటి నుండి అదే నాన్నగారు నాకు ఇచ్చిన మంత్రం అనుకున్నాను. నాలుగు రోజులు ఉన్నాకా తిరిగి వెళ్ళిపోతున్నాము అని నాన్నగారికి చెప్పడానికి పైకి వెళ్ళాను. ఇక్కడ ఉన్న నాలుగు రోజుల్లో ఇల్లు గుర్తుకు వచ్చిందా అమ్మా! అని అడిగారు. లేదు నాన్నగారూ అని చెప్పాను. తరువాత జిన్నూరు వెళ్ళాను, నాన్నగారు రమణ భాస్కర పుస్తకం ఇచ్చి చదువుతావా? అని అడిగారు. చదువుతాను నాన్నగారు అని ప్రసాదంగా తీసుకున్నాను. మీ పేర్లు గుర్తు పెట్టుకుంటాను అన్నారు. నేను నాన్నగారి దగ్గరకు వెళ్ళినప్పుడల్లా నా కష్టసుఖాలు గురించి అడిగేవారు.

ఒకసారి మా షాపు క్యాలెండర్ ను తీసుకుని నాన్నగారి దగ్గరకు వెళ్ళాను. ఆ రోజు వైకుంఠ ఏకాదశి. నేను, అక్క షెడ్ లో ఉన్నాము. నాన్నగారు తలుపు తీసి లోపలికి రమ్మన్నారు. క్యాలెండర్ ను తీసుకుని క్యాలెండర్ లో ఒక పేజీ తీస్తూ బాలబాలాజీ ఇక్కడకు వచ్చేసాడు అన్నారు. మరొక పేజీ చూసి అరుణాచలేశ్వరుడు వచ్చాడు అన్నారు. ఇంకొక పేజీలో భద్రాచల రాముడి విగ్రహాలు ఉన్నాయి. గుడిలో ఉన్నట్టే అచ్చుగుద్దినట్టు అలానే వచ్చాయమ్మా బాగున్నాయి అన్నారు. అప్పుడు రాముడు గురించి ఒక 15 నిమిషాలు చెప్పారు. అప్పుడు నాన్నగారిని చూసి నాకు నా తండ్రి రాముని అవతారమే అనిపించి, రాముడే రాముడి గురించి చెప్పినట్లుగా అనిపించింది. మా తమ్ముడుని నాన్నగారి దర్శనానికి తీసుకు వెళ్ళాను. అప్పుడు నాన్నగారు తలుపు తీసుకుని వస్తున్నారు అక్కడ మగవారు ఎవరూ లేరు. అప్పుడు మా తమ్ముడుని నాన్నగారి చేయి పట్టుకోమన్నాను. అప్పుడు నాన్నగారు మా తమ్ముడుతో నీ చేయి నేను పట్టుకుంటాను అన్నారు. ఆరోజు నుండి నాన్నగారు వాడి జీవితంలో ఎన్నో అద్భుతాలు చేశారు. 2017 లో మే 17వ తారీఖున మా తమ్ముడికి వివాహం అయిన తరువాత ఇద్దరినీ పసుపు బట్టలతోనే నాన్నగారి దర్శనానికి తీసుకు వెళ్ళాను. అప్పుడు నాన్నగారికి ఆరోగ్యం బాగోలేదు, జ్వరంగా ఉంది. అప్పుడు బుజ్జి లోపలకు వెళ్ళి ఎవరో పెళ్ళికొడుకు, పెళ్ళికూతురు వచ్చారు అని చెప్పారు. అప్పుడు నాన్నగారు మమ్మల్ని గదిలోనికి తీసుకు రమ్మన్నారు. నాన్నగారు నన్ను చూడగానే నువ్వు నాకు తెలుసు కదమ్మా అన్నారు. ఇంత ఎండలో ఎందుకు తీసుకు వచ్చావు? అన్నారు. మీ ఆశీర్వాదం కోసం వచ్చాము నాన్నగారూ అన్నాను. అప్పుడు నాన్నగారు నా ఆశీర్వాదం మీ కుటుంబం మీద ఎల్లప్పుడూ ఉంటుందని ఆశీర్వదించారు.

నాన్నగారు వైజాగ్ నుండి వచ్చారని తెలిసి చూడటానికి వెళ్ళాను. నా తండ్రి శరీరం ఇక కనబడదా అని చాలా దుఃఖం వచ్చింది. "కృష్ణుడు అంటే దేహమే అయితే ఆ దేహము ఇప్పుడు లేదు కదా! మరి ఎలా తరించగలుగుతున్నారు" అని నాన్నగారు చెప్పిన వాక్యం స్పురణకు వచ్చింది. ఆ వాక్యం జిన్నూరు ప్రవచనంలో చెప్పారు. నా తండ్రి దేహం వదిలేసిన తరువాత ఆరోగ్య సమస్యలు కానీ, కుటుంబ సమస్యలు కానీ ఎన్ని వచ్చినా అవి నన్ను తాకలేదు. గురువు శరీరం ఉండటం, లేకపోవటం అనే వ్యత్యాసం లేదు అని అనుభవం అయింది. 2018 లో శివరాత్రి రోజున జిన్నూరు వస్తుండగా భగ్గేశ్వరాన్ని నాకు యాక్సిడెంట్ జరిగింది. నా తండ్రి పెద్ద ప్రారబ్ధాన్ని చిన్న ప్రారబ్దంగా చేసేసారు. ఆయన పాదాలు కన్నీటితో కడిగినా తనివి తీరదు. అక్షరమణమాలలో గిరి రూపమైనట్టి కరుణా సముద్రమా! కృప చేసి నన్నేలుమరుణాచలా అని ఉంటుంది కదా! అంత కరుణా సముద్రుడు, అంత దయామయుడు మన తండ్రి.