Friday, September 4, 2020

"Nannagaru Assurance, I am there for you" - (By Rani Garu (Ganapavaram))

I first saw Nannagaru in the Kalyana mandapam (marriage hall) of Ganapavaram. From that very second, I no longer wanted to see anything else. Other than the desire to see him always, I knew not anything about sadhana. Later, by his grace, I began to understand what was good and what was bad for us. How to behave in various circumstances, how to watch my mind, realizing the sort of Gunas (attributes) I had and asking him to remove them and relieve me of them, all these came by his grace alone.

Whenever Nannagaru spoke about Sri Rama or Sri Krishna, I used to feel thus, ‘I have never seen them nor heard from them. I have seen & heard only from you, and that has changed my mind. So, Nannagaru, you are my everything.’

Once, When Nannagaru was talking about the ‘Little I’, I asked him how we could get rid of the little I. Nannagaru laughed out loud, repositioned himself in the chair, looked at the doctor sitting by his side, and said to her, “She is asking how to get rid of the little I. It is not at all easy to get rid of it”. So saying, he started laughing. I thought, “Yes, difficult for me; but not difficult for you. Why are you laughing Nannagaru?” Immediately, he turned towards me and with a lot of compassion said, “Live without doer-ship.” At that time I had no idea what doer-ship meant. A few years later I understood what doer-ship meant. I wept like a little child that day. Because, acting all the time with doer-ship, I was asking him how to get rid of it. From then onwards, I could taste the nectar of Nannagaru’s words.

Whoever Nannagaru may talk to, whoever he may be handing fruits to as blessings, I would rejoice like it was for me. If he spoke to me it would feel like a hair on end experience for me. This experience would stay for two to three days. In the beginning, I used to feel depressed if Nannagaru did not speak to me. But now, after listening to his teachings, I feel whether he looks at us or not, it is to be considered as grace. By his grace, I am able to recognize what truant my mind plays. Sometimes, I feel I have slipped away from him. Later, I find that Nannagaru himself draws my attention towards him.

When I first came to Jinnuru, I felt my only relation to this place should be with Nannagaru. But I have myself not distanced from anyone. I speak, when spoken to; smile when smiled at; that is what it is limited to. Even now, Nannagaru continues to keep me like that.

Nannagaru used to ask me about my problems. I used to tell him in my mind that he needn’t bother about my troubles. I later understood that while speaking in this way, he was actually clearing vasanas (tendencies). I wondered once why Nannagaru went only to rich people’s homes. Nannagaru said aloud, “Wherever I go, all of you will turn up there. Just so that all of you are adequately taken care of and face no shortcomings, I go to rich people’s houses.”

Once, he said, “Everybody has left you dear one. But I am here for you”. I replied, ‘With you as my strength, where is fear for me Nannagaru!”. Whenever the situation of need arises, remembrance of him & his name would start automatically by his grace. One day, he asked me, ‘Do people gossip about you?’ I replied that I didn’t know. I thought, in my mind, “I always wish people good. Anyway don’t you know how I think?” Immediately Nannagaru said, “I know your mind ma. It is people who don’t understand and mistake you.”

I got to know that Nannagaru was planning the construction of his house, through some devotees. I was very happy. ‘But my house might collapse any day now’ I thought. Within three months, another house got arranged for me, by his grace. I didn’t have a single penny in hand. How a big thing like this happened is beyond my understanding. When there are no problems, everything appeared so smooth. But when hardships began, I troubled Nannagaru by telling him all my problems. Sometimes when I thought the situation was getting the better of me, I used to blurt out that I could no longer forbear this. Immediately, situations would ease.

When Nannagaru went to Vizag, I too went there. He asked me how I was. I replied that I was ok, but I was troubled by the behavior of people at home. Don’t care about them, he told me.

I do not deserve even to go near his house. But he always asks me to come in with great compassion and asks me to be seated on the sofa. Where can you find such a compassionate father! Other than here in our Nannagaru. Father! You are trying to take me to the supreme state you are in. but my mind is after petty desires. Despite that, you have not let go of me. You always hold my hand and lead me. You always give me guidance from inside and help me walk through all circumstances.

When Nannagaru went to Kashi, I too joined the group. It wasn’t a planned visit but happened at the last minute by his grace. In Kashi, I could not get his darshan for two days. I felt desperate. I never said I wanted to visit Kashi. I have no peace without your darshan, I told myself and sat at the threshold of his door. Some devotees informed me that Nannagaru had already left for the day. That he was taking rest and that the doors were closed. But, I did not feel like moving from the place. I just sat there and kept saying Nannagaru.Nannagaru. In a few minutes, the doors opened, Nannagaru came out and I could get his darshan. I was very happy. Nannagaru put his hands on his heart and said, “The four of you have come all the way to Kashi. I am very happy about that.” “Nannagaru, please do not leave the four of us for the rest of our lives” I wished in my heart. Anytime I face difficulties, I say Nanna Nanaa, and the intensity of the problem comes down drastically. In my view, saying Nanna …Nanna alone is my sadhana. I do not know anything else.

Once, I felt like doing upavasam (fasting). I sat in front of Nannagaru’s photograph. I felt that Nannagaru said, ‘Why do you sit like that with a cadaveric look on your face. Why don’t you take some rice with buttermilk? Immediately I ate and never ever attempted to fast again. I do not know anything else except his grace.

Once, Nannagaru, looking at me said that people who smoke die faster than people who drink alcohol. 4 months later my husband died. There is nothing that our Father doesn’t know. He knew my husband would die in 4 months. I noticed that he would speak to me more often and for a longer duration before this mishap. I wondered why. I understood later that by doing so he was giving me peace and strength.

Once, our economic situation went so bad, that we could not even buy dhania (coriander seeds). Having understood my situation, one devotee entered through the backyard door, placed pulses, and other groceries at my doorstep, and left quietly. Another devotee placed Jaggery, oil, and other groceries at the main door and left quietly. Even after serving many people daily, these groceries lasted for 3-4 years. This is all nothing but Nannagaru’s grace. From that day on to this day, there has been no dearth for food. Nannagaru once said that when hardships strike, they strike from both sides at once, the main entrance, and the back door. But in my case, when hardship struck, HELP came from both the doors the main entrance and the back door.

After I lost my husband, I asked Nannagaru if I could come and meet him in person, when I badly felt the need to see him. Nannagaru said I could come at 3pm. But, once, due to some unavoidable situations at home, I came early at 1 pm. The devotees present spoke harshly for coming early. But, at 1.30 pm, Nannagaru opened the door and asked me to come in. He asked me to be seated and started enquiring about my present conditions. You know everything Nannagaru, so saying I held his hands. He would pacify me and tell me not to worry about these. Coming to him with a heavy heart and going back with relief, forgetting everything by the time I reach home, this became a routine. When I could not go to him, he would enquire about me with the other devotees in the gathering. When the devotees conveyed this to me, I would be overwhelmed with gratitude and not be able to sleep that night, waiting to go and have his darshan. When finally I did manage to visit, he would not even look at me. He would not talk to me. Despite that, the desire to see him never lessened.

Once, I asked him if I could touch his feet to offer salutations. Saying all this was not required, he slowly moved his feet forward. I was able to touch his feet. Some devotees later told me that a Jnani gets a burning sensation when we touch his feet. From then I stopped it and offered my salutations from afar.

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