Wednesday, November 4, 2020

"A transformation, by touch of his holy feet" - (By Mohana Garu)

Since my childhood, I had a liking towards God. I used to like to perform puja (worship) to a framed picture of God. But till I met Nannagaru I had no idea what devotion, Jnana and Guru meant. On 1st May 1995, I had the chance of Nannagaru’s darshan at Shyamala’s house, at the behest of my friend. As soon as I saw him, I felt that his eyes were somehow wonderful.

From my childhood, my father used to invite many great mahatmas to our house. I never felt anything in their presence. But after Nannagaru’s darshan, I started feeling that I need to change. I felt, “He is not a person from this world. He is not human.” My shortcomings started to appear very big to me, like when you look through a magnifying glass. Then Nannagaru told me, “Look carefully for one good attribute in yourself, however small, and hold on to that. Bring it into practice. God’s interference will come.” I was very determined to change myself and kept asking Baba (Saibaba) daily. I used to address Baba as Sadguru deva. One day, I heard a voice from within, “You call me Sadguru deva always. The one who has come now is a Sadguru. Go there and you will find your answers.”

The second opportunity of Nannagaru’s darshan was at Shyamala’s house again. They say that dwitiya is adwiteeya (the second is the one without a second). From this second visit onwards I started feeling close to him in my heart. That day’s conversation went thus- 

Nannagaru- Are you happy ma?
I fell on his feet weeping and asked him to bless me with devotion.
Nannagaru- You want devotion? Don’t you want liberation?
Devotion is enough for me, I answered.
Nannagaru- Do you read any books?
Me- I prefer to hear Nannagaru.

This is all he spoke. Nannagaru stayed in Vizag for another two days. But I did not go. But after this meeting, I started feeling some discontent. So, I started reading Ramana Bhaskara. Read it and weep for long, this routine went on for a fortnight. I used to weep even in my sleep unknowingly. The touch of his sacred feet did a lot in me. I started reading spiritual books. When I read Nannagaru’s ‘Amruthavakkulu’ (Words of Nectar), my mind would swing in joy.

I used to ask a lot of questions regarding liberation. Once, in Shyamala’s house, I asked Nannagaru, “Chanting a holy name or enquiry does not seem effective whenever the people I do not like come in my thoughts. You said chanting holy name suffices.”

“Mohana! When you have asked me so sincerely, I too must reply sincerely. When you chant a holy name, whatever tendency has surfaced will be suppressed for the time being and prevents the havoc it would create in your mind. But its seed remains inside. As long as the seed remains, the tendency will surface again.” He said. I asked him what the solution to this was. He replied, “You are worshipping God in some form. Keep asking him. Do not stop asking till it is gone.” From then on, for nearly five years, I kept praying and did not stop asking God that my nature should change.

Once during a discourse, he said, “Do you know what indicates that you are in Guru’s grace? You will begin to identify your shortcomings!”

Once, we went to Jinnuru in our car. We carried food, water and other things required for the journey. But I was not aware that the water we had brought with us was used up. Nannagaru asked us if had had our lunch. I told him that we had brought our lunch from home. He said that he would give 2 water bottles. I replied that we had brought water also with us. But he insisted, saying that it would be better to take these two bottles with us. I took them. In return journey, I wanted to drink some water. Then I realized that there was no water left and the only water we had was that given by Nannagaru. That way, the Guru takes care of even the water we need to drink. He takes care of all our needs. He provides whatever is required. He gives us Jnana when he thinks it is the right time.

Whenever I read Ramana Bhaskara, I would skip the part when the ‘body bound I enquiry’ was mentioned. I used to read more about surrender. Whenever Nannagaru came to Vizag, he would call me and ask me to sit by his side, in whichever corner I may be seated in the crowd. Once, he made me sit by his side for the entire duration of his 5-day stay and spoke about the body bound I; and at the end of his stay he said, “You do not like the topic of the body bound I!” I replied that I was not able to understand it. He said, “You are able to understand. See, all this story about the ‘ I’ is like the castle built by cards. To destroy a card house, you need not pull the cards one by one. You just need to pull the crucial one. The enquiry into this body I is like that. It falls, and the whole castle that it supports falls.”At that time I did not understand the meaning of those words. When I understood that ‘I mean consciousness’, I felt that, when the crucial card does not exist, what is the need for it to fall!

Once, I was reading the Bhagavadgita. I stopped at the sentence that said that I am the kshetrjna in all kshetras (The knower in all bodies). By the time I finished reading that sentence, my mind became still. Then I understood- I am consciousness. I am that I am. There is no second in it. When I understood that, unbearable bliss touched me. When I experienced that state, I felt that this indeed is love. Love is a torrential flow. That state is so wonderful that one feels like hugging the whole universe. Nannagaru gave this experience.

Once Nannagaru quoted Bhagavan and said, “I will serve everything in your plate and keep it ready for you. But swallowing is your job.” I asked Nannagaru, “Here swallowing is the most important thing. By what power can one swallow?” Then Nannagaru said, “If you surrender yourself, he will do the job of swallowing too.” Who else can tell us so clearly and in such a wonderful way?

Once Nannagaru asked me, “Mohana! Do you feel jealous? Are you making any effort to get rid of it?” I replied, “I do feel jealous Nannagaru and it is impossible to get rid of it.” “You can easily get rid of it if you do not compare yourself with others!” he said. Who can explain in such a beautiful way other than those who have the self in their experience! All those who can speak cannot speak beautifully. Who can bring forth such beauty in words? Only he can do that!

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