This was it, this was a new beginning in my life. A new phase. It is said that when Guru's grace is showered it flows like a river which is flooded and takes everything with it be it big trees, animals, houses. Nothing can stop it. That is exactly what I saw in my life. I know I have absolutely no eligibility to deserve any of this but his grace flooded me as it doesn’t discriminate. It was beautiful and can’t be explained in words. We stayed in India for about a year and a half and his grace poured and poured.
I used to always think out of ignorance that the love I have for Bhagavan, I can never have that much love for Nannagaru. So, I used to assume that I can never understand his teachings as he intended to be understood. But, during this process, all of it changed. I don't know when and how he changed me but now when I look back I understand that just like fire having both heat and light. Bhagavan and Nannagaru are one and the same.
During this period I continued to work for a company in the US. So, I had work in the night, no one used to bother me during the day time. Due to Nannagaru’s grace, I used to listen, listen and listen to his talks day and night. When Nannagaru visited Vizag I used to go visit him. As soon as it was 5 in the evening he used to forcefully make leave to go and work. It was the hardest thing for me to do. I would say, I have a few more mins and it was ok if I logged in a little late. But, he would keep on reminding me to leave every five minutes like a mother pushing her kid to do her school work. He would always say your health is spoiling. You are not sleeping in the night. You shouldn’t do this for long. I was totally fine health-wise and didn't have any health problems. Later did I realize that he put me in this bubble of grace and gave me the energy to function like that.
If Nannagaru knew I was coming to visit him, he would always wait for me without going to sleep. There was not a single time, I didn’t hear from outside, him saying, “Madhavi said she will come, she still hasn’t come”. Or “I’m waiting for Madhavi”. Not only in that year but every time after that as well. Whenever I told him that I was coming to India, he would enquire when I was coming to see him. When I used to visit him he would say, I have been waiting for so long to see you or I wish you came sooner or It’s been so long since I saw you. My mind would just be blown away when I heard these words from him.
Initially, my family was totally against us to meet Nannagaru. My mother somehow didn’t approve of me or my aunt visiting Nannagaru. But, towards the end of her life, she changed and started visiting Nannagaru and started asking about him.
They made arrangements for him on both the floors and as expected he didn’t visit the office on the ground floor but went straight up. I was in the US at that time. Walked around the whole house, looked at every picture and lighted the lamp in the pooja room and stared at the Bhagavan’s picture in our Pooja room. He sat for some time and gave a Satsang for a few minutes. He said, “Madhavi told me not to come but how can I not go to her house.” There are some things this petty mind can’t understand and there is no use trying to comprehend it.
Over the past years, he just gave me so many opportunities to be with him. In January 2017, I was asked to visit my office in Delhi. My whole team was going and I was not selected for this project as my role was very trivial, I somehow made up my case and persuaded my manager. I had only a 5% chance of going as it was clear that I didn’t have any role in this project. I knew that but still tried. Out of nowhere my manager went to the project head and fought for me and made sure I flew to India. Again my happiness knew no bounds to have received one more opportunity to be with Nannagaru. I was planning on how to visit Jinnur, Vizag and Hyderabad in the two day weekend that I had. When Nannagaru called and said he was visiting Vizag as he wanted to get some check up done. He came to Vizag on Friday morning at about the same time I landed in Vizag from Delhi. He got admitted to the hospital and told everyone that I will be with him as long as he is in the hospital.
I can’t explain in words how much of a blessing it was. It is very very rare to be with Nannagaru without devotees around him. As he was in the hospital no one was allowed to visit him except for very few devotees who were there to take care of him. He made me sit next to him throughout his stay. He would fall asleep and wake up and talk to me. He would sometimes fall asleep talking to me. Again no words to explain this divinity in action.
After all the check-up the doctor said it would be better if he stayed for one more day so that he could get some rest. He smiled at the doctor and said I’m totally fine and I’m leaving now and he got up and walked out. Within 15 mins we were downstairs. Once home, he said, “I am totally fine. This hospital visit was just an excuse to be with you.” Tears just flowed down my eyes. To this day whenever I think of this incident, I can’t help but cry.
I was thinking to myself - Nannagaru, even now you won’t let me cry? Even at the time of him leaving his body, he was pouring extreme grace. Although I didn’t have a chance to see him, I wished to see him one last time in the physical body. But, as I said no was answering their phones. Suddenly, one of my cousin who was in Vizag sent me pictures of Nannagaru, when all the rituals were going on. When I asked him how he got those, he said that his driver who took my aunt was sending him pictures. I called the driver and he showed me Nannagaru and walked around Nannagaru three times. That way, I had the opportunity to walk around Nannagaru. He fulfilled this wish too. How can this grace be explained in words! For this life, Nannagaru is enough and he shouldn’t be missed at any cost.
All I can say is that he worked on me a lot. Knowingly a lot of vasanas got destroyed and unknowingly he took away a lot more. When Shankaracharya was on his deathbed his disciples took care of him day and night. For which Shankaracharya said you all are doing so much for me. Hearing this Padma pada cried and said we are just doing physical work, what about all the work you have done for us, we were just a pile of mud, useless, lying around and you taught us about Jnana and did so much for us. How can we ever repay that. Like that Nannagaru not only gave us wisdom but he also took care of each and every minute thing that came in the way. Never had I given him anything in return.
If all these events don't show Guru’s grace and love I don’t know what else will. We all have read that Atma can’t be explained in words. It’s not possible to see it, touch it etc. But, Nannagaru has shown us what Atma is in human form. The physical body has certain limitations. It will never be able to see/experience Athma but Nannagaru has broken these barriers and has stretched the ability of this human form to experience his bliss to the maximum. I don't know much but I don’t think anyone else can experience Atma more than this in a physical form.
He showed extreme love on the outside and inside he made me all empty in a span of a few years. Nannagaru used to say, I will take you all to “dooka rahita stithi”(sorrowless state) without you moving your leg, without even the face powder on your face moving and that’s what he has been doing, I don’t remember doing any extensive sadhana but he has taken me a long long way inside in just a matter of few years. Being around him was sweet, everything about him is always sweet. It is like falling in a pot of honey, once you are there you don’t need anything else.
In this Kaliyuga this body has been blessed to see the divine in action, it will not get any better than this. If we waste this life by not attaining the sorrowless state, there would be nothing worse than this and there is no doubt that Nannagaru will not let this happen.
Even in my wildest of thoughts if I ever think that I “might” encounter a small pain he will pour his grace and not only take out that pain with ease but also pull out that vasana by its roots and never ever again will it come back again. If we miss Nannagaru we will be like a ball which will keep rolling down the stairs non stop and land somewhere lost. So, we don’t need anything else other than Nannagaru. If you think of him once, he will shower an ocean full of bliss. In Ramana Periya puranam Ganesan Garu writes, “Bhagavan once said, “With whichever vessel you go to the ocean you can get only that much water. If it is merely a cup, you will get a cup of water. If it is a bucket, you will get a bucket. Go and loot the whole ocean.” I always took a spoon but he packed the whole ocean for me. He doesn’t have anything else than love and he gave that away bountifully.
OM Sri Nanna Paramathmanay Namaha!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment