Friday, September 13, 2019

"Our Nanna's guidance in every step" - (By Satish Garu)

The golden moments spent in Nannagaru's presence

Physically, I have had to go through a lot of hardships; Hardships in the profession, financial hardships, and so on. Despite the hardship, being with Nannagaru in this period of 15 years kept me peaceful in the heart. When in Jinnuru, I was distraught many times in his presence. He would ask me to sit resting against the pillar and that he would speak to me later. He would wait till my mind cooled down and only then he would talk to me. Later, I went to Kuwait for job purpose. But due to some visa problems, I had to come back. The very next day, I went to Arunachalam. Usha Akka (Dr. Usha) reported to Nannagaru that I had to return from Kuwait due to a visa problem. He started talking about the royals of Kuwait as though he was not bothered by what happened to me there. I found his response very surprising. I understood later that though the circumstances seem important to us, to the Jnani it is just a play.

After returning from Kuwait, I was jobless for a year. Every alternate day, I used to visit Nannagaru in Jinnuru. I started feeling intimate with Nannagaru. The peace in the heart was fine, but I had to do some work to earn a living too. I expressed this to Usha Akka. She said to me, “Satish! This is a golden period in your life. You are free now and making the best use of your time. You may become very busy later in life and not be able to come to Jinnuru as frequently.” It is exactly because of this free time that I was able to stay by his side during the last 15 days before his physical departure. Had I been in Kuwait, this would have never been possible!

During the last days, when Nannagaru was confined to bed, I stayed there even at night time. On one particular day, Nannagaru was moaning in pain all night. He had not slept even for half an hour. In that state, I did not expect that he would recognize me. I was sitting by his side. He asked me, “Is the Satsang in Malkipuram going on smoothly?” For a year before this, I had started going every Saturday from Bheemavaram to Malkipuram for conducting the Satsang. Once Nannagaru’s health started deteriorating, I started going to Jinnuru every day, thereby Satsang was not conducted. Even when he was so unwell, he asked about the Satsang. When I told him that I was coming to Jinnuru instead, he said, “If it wasn’t possible for you, you should have asked Amalapuram Master Garu to conduct the Satsang. Isn’t it?” It surprised me that he pinpointed and asked me about the Satsang in that state of health. That gave me an insight into the importance of Satsang. 4-5 months after Nannagaru left the physical frame, I moved to Malkipuram as I started a business there. Satsang in Malkipuram is going on very well. Not only in regularity, but also the subject we are discussing. We are able to feel grace in all aspects.

Giving up me and mine sense is real renunciation (tyaga)

Nannagaru used to attend some school functions of Saraswati Sishu Mandir of Lakkavaram. He also gave donations regularly to this school as they taught the children with great interest. The school children were also taught Ramayana and Mahabharata. I too had my primary education in this school. This helped me in my spiritual understanding and progress. I liked Shirdi Saibaba a lot. I used to feel the want of a Guru of that kind, so that I may offer my services. Even as a child, I used to feel that I must offer my services to great souls. I feel Nannagaru gave me this opportunity of serving him in his last days because of my strong desire. After this, my mind stopped going outward (extrovert). As I was getting all the guidance from inside, I never felt any disturbance in my spirituality. After Nannagaru left his mortal frame, his presence has become even more evident. I can see Nannagaru in all devotees. In fact, it began to feel that all jivas are his projections. And I no more felt the need to visit Jinnuru. I had a strong urge to visit him every fortnight previously. Now, I do not miss Jinnuru.

What I have understood is that what Nannagaru referred to as tyaga (renunciation) is not leaving something of ours, but leaving the very sense of me and mine. That means he is asking us to handover unto him, our very false existence. I think that is the greatest teaching.

He pulled me near and gave the closeness

The problem I faced, in the beginning, was that while Nannagaru made himself easily accessible by being in Jinnuru, so close to hometown; and made himself easily approachable as a father, I seemed to be more interested in Arunachalam, Bhagavan’s form and Bhagavan’s teaching felt like the best and ultimate teaching. Whenever I looked at devotees gathered in Jinnuru, I used to appreciate their devotion, attention, and interest in looking at Nannagaru’s form. One must possess a love for the Guru’s form too isn’t it? I had great respect for him but did not feel love towards him in my heart. How can I have love towards Bhagavan who cannot be seen now, and have no love towards Nannagaru whom I see daily, I wondered. I felt very bad about this. After 3-4 years, when I felt the closeness with Nannagaru, I understood that while the forms of Nannagaru and Bhagavan are different, the presence is the same. So, from then on I had no suffering in this issue.

I was able to grasp his silence. Sometimes, when I asked a doubt, he would answer looking into my eyes. No sooner he starts to talk, I would be swallowed by peace, not hear a thing but remain doubt free. Which means doubt would get erased and replaced by a higher state. Even without any kind of effort from our side, Nannagaru placed us in such an exalted state! Nannagaru always gave the example of Malayamaarutam (the cool breeze from Nilgiri hills). He always said that when such a cool breeze is blowing naturally, one does not need to use the hand-fan. Finally what I gathered is that all that ultimate knowledge that Bhagavan imparted, Nannagaru naturally got us habituated to it, without our knowledge.

Initially when I heard ‘You are not this body, you are not this mind’, I got scared. If I am not these two, then I must be something, and I do not know what that is I thought. I went through considerable suffering because of this. So, I have been living all these days without knowing who I really am? I wondered. As a child I used to think about where I came from; never believed in the existence of heaven and hell, despite being told about them. I never knew whom to ask then.

To place at his feet this ego and mind filled with its attributes is the real sadhana (effort). Once in Kashi, Nannagaru remarked, “I am doing great sadhana; so saying do not decorate your ego. Throw that ego away and then do the real sadhana.”

Finally, how can anyone describe Guru’s grace in words? When all that has happened, is happening and will happen is seen as his play, watching the whole universe as projections from him and let this ego dissolve in him alone, is what we can offer as Guru Dakshina (remuneration).

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