Who knows why we have received such grace? - (By Devotee)

In 1989 I was staying in Ramanashram in S.India and was told by David Godman, a long-time ashram resident, that a "very powerful teacher" was visiting the ashram. David highly recommended I see him. I initially resisted his suggestion as I was a student of another teacher at the time and felt no desire to go "guru-hopping".

David urged me to re-consider, so I did. The teacher, Sri Nannagaru, was in a small room with only four other people present. I was invited to sit with him one hot afternoon.

He asked me a few questions about where I came from etc. As he spoke, I could feel the atmosphere in the small room becoming "thick with a powerful energy". Then he looked directly at me and asked why I had particularly come to this ashram. I gulped and, totally un-planned, said, "To know God!"

At that moment, I looked at the pupils of his eyes which seemed to move independently of each other at vast speeds. The impossibility of this physically happening was clear and at that point, my mind "burnt out", just dissolved. I found I was in a vast empty, white, shining field stretching for eternity. (You understand it is hard to verbalize this). Fear arose and I almost willfully contracted back into a more recognizable shape. Still feeling quite shaken, I bowed to Sri Nannagaru and, not having any gift to give, asked if I could send him something. He replied, "Send me a copy of The London Times". Which of course I did when I returned to the U.K. months later.

For a long time I tried to rationalize what had happened. Hypnotism? Hallucination? Exhaustion? No explanation fit. My mind could not contain the experience. I felt, and still feel, no desire to run to be in Sri Nannagaru's physical company, (although I have seen him on a number of occasions in Tiruvannamalai) nor did I think the experience made me special or different from others in any way.

10 years later in London I found myself once again sitting in the company of Sri Nannagaru. This time there were twelve or thirteen people present. At one point, I was sitting right next to him on a sofa and as he turned and stared into my eyes, I remember thinking, "This time, I am ready".

I experienced exactly the same dissolution into the empty white field but that time there was no fear and I noticed that the field itself was shining bliss, my own nature beyond time and space. There was a sensation of coming home. After a short time (in relative terms), I came somewhat out of the bliss to see the guru still staring right at me at which point I reached up, touched his face and passed out. Some of the people present thought that I had died. (I understood the traditions, which state that the student/ devotee should not touch the teacher!)

I am so grateful for these amazing gifts! Who knows why we have received such grace? . _/|\_